Wednesday, August 31, 2011

It's too Late to Coloniiize

Hi lambs.  I am making an honest effort to shart writing in TPSF everyday, rather than simply condensing the contents of my entire weekend into one massive Monday or Tuesday entry.  Unfortunately at the moment I am experiencing extreme writer's block so I welcome any suggestions as to what topics you all want to hear about.  I am eager to get this blog to the next level and actually roam the city in hopes of learning more about SF culture, people, restaurants and animals.  So, if you give me suggestions it would help guide me in the right direction, and - as devoted readers of TPSF know I am severely directionally challenged (<-- click if you don't know) and need all the help I can get. Gimme some ideas of things to write about please!

Blue Fog Market. no egg rolls, but it'll have to suffice
With all that being said, I decided to jump shart my San Francisco research by taking a stroll down Union Street and snapping some photos of various stores, and restaurants I figured might appeal to the average TPSF reader.  Union Street seems to be a crowd pleaser among tourists and locals alike.  In my opinion, Union Street/ The Marina boasts an east-coast, preppy vibe and isn't as San Francisco-esque as the much seedier Mission and Haight.  I actually miss living in the Haight a lot: -->  click here to learn more about my experience living among snot rocket blowers.  I could always just roll out of bed with my hair fro-ed out, throw on two different colored shoes, and mozy down to the corner store for some fresh frozen egg rolls.  Living in lower Pac Heights has proven to be a much different experience.  Here I roll out of bed, tame my fro and put on some penny loafers and mozy down to Blue Fog Market where frozen egg rolls are out and pate is in.  Blue Fog has really good, huge sandwiches and the guy who makes them looks like a young Leo DiCaprio: so, every time I go there not only do I feel like a fat arse but a cougar as well.  Whatevs.
hungry fella?  There ya go.
Can't sport these bad boys in these parts of SF unless you want LuLu Lemoners to gawk at you.  And yes, I am aware my toes look like fingers.  Don't shart with me!
Ok, I'll shart this segment on Union Street with perhaps the most important place on it.  PERRY'S. Great cocktails, great people, multi-functioning bread sticks (see below) and mediocre food.  It's the place you go where you are certain to run into someone you know.  So you better be on your A-game: you could run into Bart and he accepts nothing less than the breast.  Just beware of their salads: Kristal found a worm in hers about 2 years back (whose life I saved! You're welcome, Inchy.)

the breast server at Perry's 

we are... about 6
the king of Perry's
the crown belonging to the King of Perry's
you're sure to do some great dog watching if you opt to sit outside of perry's

Other places on Union:
                                                               RALPH LAUREN
It's fun to go here, hit on the mannequins and watch people's reactions: that's pretty much the coolest thing this place has to offer. otherwise: borrring.
what's happening hot stuff
Next up, Marmalade.  I thought I liked this place... until I purchased a fake diamond band from here.  The woman assured me it was sterling silver and that she could "wear it in the baaath" and blah blah blah.  First of all who takes bath's anymore and secondly she is full of shart.  My finger turned green on my second day of wearing it.  It has helped to fend off unwanted advances, however when I don it on my left ring finger.  (which has happened all of once).
More like Marma-LIE
you worm!


Don't be fooled by Marmalade's presentation

pretty colors but kind of fugly too
Next up: Osha.  Hmmmm.... I was super psyched to try this place out, I consider myself to be a Pad Thai connoisseur. I give it a B- at breast.  Plus, it doesn't have a great ambiance: kind of cold and awkward.  I guess based on that description I should've fit right in though.
OSHiiit, I am disappointed by this place
...The place I frequent more than Perry's on Union Street: B of MF A!  They know me by name in here - I have become quite chummy with Ann, the young bank teller or whatever.  As you know, it is unlike me to hold onto a debit card for longer than 2 months (I think I made it 6 months back in '07: the proudest year of my life.)  I am like Hansel and Gretal all rolled into one: and temporary debit cards are like my bread crumbs. This place is like a home to me. I won't have anyone complaining about B of A - I simply wont. have. it.
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your naaame and their always glad ya came. (That's what she said)
Next up: Extreme Pizza.  This place is Extremely good.  Try their BBQ Chicken Pizza.  Also pictured (to the left, to the left) is Bar None.  If you want to get a good dose of Dealbreaking cheesed*cks step inside Bar None. I am guessing the amount of gel in the average Bar None patrons hair surpasses the amount of oil leaked in the '09 oil spill.
sorry for the poor quality of my photo. is it too late to apologiiiiize?
Next up, Spuntino.  Never been here - I just always notice it because it looks like Buntino. Snap. (don't use the word snap)

I'm going to shart wrapping up with one of my favorite places in all the world - not just Union Street: Sephora.  I know I sound like a total chafe but I love going in there and having my make-up done.  There is something relaxing about it - and since I look like a clown when I do my own, I always appreciate the professionalism of the Sephora employees.  Except when their breath stinks.  

helllllo lover 
need a touch up before a date with McGruber?  Have at it...
I leave you with a BUNTING FAMILY UPDATE:
Si and Di are still out of commission from the hurricane: even though it happened nearly 5 days ago.  I have a sneaking suspicion Di is milking this hurricane for all it's worth so she won't have to answer my calls and listen to me complain about how much my cowlick has been annoying me lately. In fact, the entire Bunting family has been hard to get ahold of lately.  See below:

surrrre, Diana.  Call me back missy!!!!!!!!
In other Bunting news: My brother Charlie and his beautiful wife have just gotten a PUPPY! (The same breed as the pup from As Good as it Gets. NAMEDROPPING MOVIES= Dealbreaker)  Today I welcome my niece Fenway - can't wait to meet the little lambchop!
Fenway Bunting: in the middle.

Ok lambs. Have a lamberiffic day!!

xo, Nige

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Don't Eat the Yellow Snow.

The many faces of a Break-up...  Chin up, folks.

there's a feeling I get when I look to the West
As if it wasn't hard enough to find a dateable male in this city filled with mainly gay and/or taken men, my 29 day relationship with one of the few cool available ones officially ended yesterday. I've been in a couple very short-term relationships in my life and with each one I've learned more and more about what you shouldn't do when you're in one: (I've accompanied this segment with some visuals of yours truly on my walk today - it's important to get fresh air and clear your head when going through a break up and that is precisely what I did.)
keep your head up and be proud but do remember to brush your hair
1.) Going on dates when you're traveling is a no-no if you're in a relationship. It doesn't matter if you were stood up, it is still considered to be in bad form.  Just because you cross state lines doesn't mean you're free to date away.    
2) Don't blog about the date afterwards unless you are a RiTARD.
3) Don't read your companion's text messages while he or she is in the shower.
4) Headbanging isn't found to be sexy. ever.
5) Leave your Twister, Chutes and Ladders and Candy Land board games at home: playing games in a relationship always backfires and is childish.
6) Um... don't chew with your mouth open in front of your boyf/girlf, especially if you're eating grass. 
Listen here Dave Chafe: close that mouth when you're eating, or else your partner will close that door on you.
7) MOVE ON after a break-up, don't dwell on what could have been - it is a waste of time, and could keep you from meeting a really handsome eggroll maker guy/gal.
8) Don't use the word "gal."
be a fighter, even when life gets a bit foggy: Retaliate.
find a distraction so you don't get upset, go rent Wet Hot American Summer and turn that frown upside down
in order to avoid getting too distraught just think of things you love, like egg rolls for instance.  or a ripe avocado.
It's ok to want some privacy during your break-up.  sometimes you just need to be alone with your thoughts.  

Speaking of moving on, let me tell you about my day.

that's what she said.
I spent the night at Kristal's (she had made dinner the night before and frankly I was too lazy to walk the two blocks to my apt. frank.)  We woke up and headed to Crissy Field for a run.  On our way to CF we spotted a pimped out Benz at a stop light.  No strangers to star spotting, Kristal and I knew it was someone famous. As we got a better look we realized it was Brian Wilson of the San Francisco Giants.  I'm no baseball fan but I knew of Brian Wilson after we won the world series and everyone went ape sh*t for "the Beard." I screamed his name and Kristal and I waltzed over to him in the middle of traffic. "You play basketball, right?" I asked.  AWKWARD SILENCE. "Shouldn't you girls be at work?" he asked.  Kristal high-fived him, I reached in and lightly touched his beard (which was as soft as a male Himalayan kitten) and he sped off.  
"OMG, he's so sexual." - Francesca Fay

We reveled in our conquest by doing a little jig in the middle of the street, until we were nearly run over.  Onward.  We embarked on our rulk (run that turned into a walk).  One of my fave parts of rulking Crissy Field is getting to see a plethora of dogs - of every breed.  We also saw a few during our lunch at Blue Barn which is delish.  Run, don't rulk if you haven't been.  Please enjoy these pup pics: 

Guess what his name was?! Nico.  Yes, folks - i'm dead serious.

Here are some other pics from our rulk:

We saw this on our way to Susie's Cupcakes.  how appropriate/awkward.  Sorry I Broke Your Shart.

Susie's cupcakes are amazing. I had a red velvet one and it made me feel like I was floating.

I will leave you with a final image.  whenever Kristal and I walk together we always hit arms and it is really annoying and awkward. keep in mind, that is Kristal's hand on the right, not Kobe Bryant's.  Kristal is just really, really tan:

Have an erratic evening.

xo, Nige