They both chuckled. Their chuckles quieted down after a few seconds once they realized I was being dead serious.
"No, Alexandra - you have to go by yourself," one of them said.
"Fine! Can't blame a girl for asking. Pass the soy sauce," I responded, exasperated.
|is that an egg roll in your pocket|
or are you just happy to see me?
|will this be me one day? walking a turtle?|
In leiu of my newfound open-mindedness I decided to reevaluate my decision to decline a date couple months ago. Reason for said declination? He was wearing a beanie in one of his Facebook photos. He is totally cute, successful, nice and we have mutual friends but I nixed the chance to hang out with him because of a fucking piece of knitted wool? After a nice long chat with a very levelheaded rational friend of mine yesterday, I was convinced to reopen the lines of communication with Beanie Boy. After all, the beanie could have been knitted for him by his beloved dead grandmother or it could've been a chilly day when that particular photo was snapped and he may have needed to warm his dome. (dating setback #2: over analyzing). Furthermore, plenty of hot celebs rock beanies...
|um. how did you get in here, Rumer?|
KIND OF FUNNY I WOULD JUDGE A GUY FOR WEARING A BEANIE CONSIDERING SOME OF THE THINGS I'VE CHOSEN TO PUT ON MY HEAD..streaky highlights included
me: Did you get my e-mail? Will you help me!?
charlie: I'm a grown ass man with a job so I can't turn this around in 24 hours.
me: What about in 48!?!? PLEASE - I will do something nice for you!
charlie: are you making any money from this blog? Give me some.
me: oh jesus. fine. don't help.
charlie: have you monetized the site?
me: dude. I don't know how the f to do that. can you help me or not? bc i need to find someone else if not - press time is tomorrow am. and my date is Friday!!!
me: fine. F YOU!!!!
Ahhh... the joys of Sibling-dom. It's times like these I wish I didn't run Toe Pick by myself. Since I am in something of a pinch I will answer my own questions. (just call me the schizoid.)
1.) Is it okay to text my date beforehand and ask him how tall he is so I can determine whether or not I should wear heels?
Yes. That is completely acceptable and encouraged.
2.) What are some conversation sharters to use when there are awkward silences during the date?
As per usual, I will pull out my handy dandy ASE (Awkward Silence Extinguishing) questions that always seem to help me out when the crickets start chirping:
a. Where do toll booth workers park?
b. Do you have any pets?
c.Do you have a chin hair on your forehead?
d. Did you know babies are born without kneecaps?
3.) How do I handle the end of the date? Do I shake his hand if he goes in for a smooch?
I always opt to dodge a kiss and give what I have dubbed a HWAK (Handshake With A Kick). This entails starting off with a standard handshake, then discreetly rubbing the innermost part of the shakee's palm with your pointer finger. Don't grimace - you know you've done it before. Here's a diaphragm of my HWAK:
4.) If the date turns out to be a bust how do I politely excuse myself from it?
I will make like Cher Horowitz (from Clueless for those of you who are missing a brain chip) and claim to be "surfing the crimson wave... and needing to haul ass to the Ladies." Then I will exit through the backdoor (that's what he said? FAIL.)
5.) Is it okay if I invite a a guy friend to crash the date?
Yes. That is perfectly normal and acceptable.
As you all can see, I am perfectly screwed for this date. If it turns out to be a complete disaster I am blaming Bart and my brother who had the opportunity to help a confused, impressionable girl out but didn't.
Oh, and if any of you all are worried about my date reading this post, you needn't be. Thanks to the souped up privacy settings on the Book of Face I have been able to block it from him. Thanks so much, Zuckerberg! You're the breast.
Phew - this one took me awhile. Thanks for sticking with me. Happy Hump Day!!!