"But, mom - you don't understand. I am so fucking tired. I think I'm an insomniac. I can't SLEEP ever! I'm so stressed." I tried to make her feel bad for me as I waited outside for a cab this morning at 7am.
"Pull yourself together!" This is my mom's chief retort to most things I whine and complain about.
"When I was your age I had THREE screaming children, 4 horses, 3 dogs and a cat. Oh and your father."
"Wait, you and dad had a cat?" I said as I climbed into a cab.
"Post and Sutter." I told the cab driver.
"Those streets are parallel, miss." He responded.
"Oh FUCK! Hang on. Let me look up the address again."
"ALEXANDRA!" my mom screamed at me. "Why are you taking a cab to work!? Don't you have any concept of money? And why don't you know the address of your new job!? And why do you curse so much!?"
"Mom. Please. I have to go. LoveYouBye."
"Have you dealt with your hair?" she continued, completely disregarding me. "I don't want that to be all you talk about while you're here over Thanksgiving."
"No. I haven't dealt with it. I'll get it done in DC."
"No - you will not! Get it done there - I don't want to hear a word about it. Oh and get a manicure before you come too."
"I just got one."
"That won't last you until you get here, silly girl!"
And with that, my phone died.
As I sat in the smelly cab laden with random patches of duct tape I felt an itch on my finger. Then I felt some others on my arm. They were mosquito bites from the lone mosquito who has set up shop in my room and is partially responsible for my past 2 sleepless nights. I've named him Jim. Jim is fucking annoying. Jim is a varsity buzzer. Jim is also the only guy I've had in my bedroom in like 1,000 years.
|this is me trying to drown out the sound of Jim's buzzing|
1. CELEB LOOKALIKES RIDIN' DIRTY.
This fellow looked like the late Freddie Mercury (lead singer of Queen in case you're missing a brain chip). I even managed to get an almost-profile shot of him just for you guys.
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me- Galileo,Galileo, Galileo Galileo Galileo figaro-Magnifico- I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me- ...
|the real FM.|
2. MUNI FASHION: Can you not?
|The above woman decided to wear her younger brother's Salisbury uniform onto the muni. Either that or she raided Diane Keaton's closet. Way to represent.|
|This dude should've swapped outfits with Keaton. I didn't even know girls still wore Seven jeans let alone boyz.|
This woman's outfit reminded me of some lettuce bagels I spotted yesterday. Yes - lettuce bagels. What the fuck else would you call these?
Look ma, there's lettuce stuck to the bagels!
3. My next segment will feature letters I've written to random articles of food.
|dear lady on the muni, I am not sure what you're eating but can you stop smacking so loudly? I am trying to concentrate on instagram and facebook to distract me from the fact that some guy's satchel is digging into my hip. Thanks. xo, Nige|
And that's that.
Ok - I am going to sleep. Good night freakazoids.
PS. I almost forgot to tell you all the TPSF quote of the week!
"Hi. I read Toe Pick and I just wanted to tell you I think you made the right choice when you decided to not use the word "shart" in your entries. Have a good night!" - A random girl who came up to me outside of Balboa. Yeah. That happened.
PMS. Do you think it's weird that all of my siblings have yet to confirm my "you're my sister/brother" requests on facebook? I am concerned and hurt. At least my mom confirmed that I am, in fact her daughter. So I've got that going for me... which is nice.