Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Ridin' Dirty: Featuring Muni Riders who Look like Celebz


Hay guys!  Happy Tuesday.  Tuesday is my seventh favorite day of the week.  My morning got off to a pretty good shart.  For once I wasn't late for my bus and my cowlick seemed to be less pronounced than it is on most days thanks to the cooler SF weather.  I tripped walked onto Muni with every intention of spending my 25 minute commute  scrolling through my instagram feed and sifting through my split ends.  I Rosa Parked my butt into a seat near the rear of the bus.  Just as I began refreshing my instagram newsfeed I heard a gurl talking to her friend rather loudly about her "baby daddy."  She looked exactly like Tanya Harding.  I must snap a photo of her for toe pick, I thought to myself.  It had been awhile since I'd featured Muni Celeb Lookalikes on Toe Pick and to be frank (I'm not really Frank - I'm Alexandra), I've missed it.  

The trick to successfully snapping a photo of an unassuming member of the American Pube-lic is to avoid holding your phone directly toward your subject whilst ensuring he or she is still in your peripheral vision.  You can always crop the photo if you don't get a centered shot of your muni-celeb lookalike.  Stare at your phone intently, as if you're completely engrossed in a steamy sext message you've received from your significant other. ALWAYS make sure the flash is off and your phone is on silent so it doesn't make a clicking noise when you snap your photo.  

Welp, it turns out I'm a bit rusty when it comes to snapping muni photos discreetly  because just as I went in to snap the photo of the Tanya Harding lookalike who wasn't paying attention, I failed to notice her friend who was paying attention and shot me the dirtiest look ever in the history of dirty looks.  I swiftly stowed my phone and ended up getting a blurred shot of Tanya's shoe.  My blunder this morning reminded me of happier times, when I was able to successfully capture shots of Muni riders. Have a look at this compilation of Celeb Muni Lookalikes. 

SHOSHANNA FROM HBO'S GIRLS
SHOSH
 "I'M LIKE THE LEAST VIRGIN-Y VIRGIN EVER."


This fellow looked like the late Freddie Mercury (lead singer of Queen in case you're missing a brain chip).  I even managed to get an almost-profile shot of him just for you guys.




JIM HALPERT from The Office 



Our Beloved MICHAEL JACKSON lookalike
    


ADELE LOOKALIKE



KATHY GRIFFITH+STEVE CARELL LOOKALIKE


CELEBRITY LOOKALIKES FROM BEHIND 
    Apparently Morticia Addams needed to get a temporary debit card at B of A too.


Watts from Some Kind of Wonderful likes a bargain. I saw her scoping out some shiz at H&M:
                                                 

                                 

Annd who can forget:
  INSIDE THE LIFE AND MIND OF A MUNI RIDER 
I ventured to guess what was going on in the lives of these muni riders. (Pardon my language with some of these, mom - love you)

1. Jack & Diane: THE FINICKY COUPLE
              
Jack:  Please, honey.  Can I please get a blow job tonight?  It's been like 5 months.  I got you that purse you wanted from Talbot's.  COME ON!
Diane: No, Jack.  I told you - not until you agree to come to the Midsummer Night's Dream Ballet with me. NOW THAT'S FINAL!

2. REGRETFUL RHONDA 
Did I really need that wooden spoon from Bed Bath and Beyond?  Or those ass-less chaps from Bloomies?  WHY did I think it was a good idea to buy THREE pairs of My Little Pony pajama pants?  I wonder if there's a pill for Buyer's Remorse.

THE HALLOWEEN SHACKER...the morning after (i snapped this at 8am)
 I knew my Peter Pan costume would get me some ass.  I just didn't think it would be from a 200 pound "woman" who goes by Shawnda by night and Shawn by day.  Damn those fucking Fernet shots.  And jesus - I've been on this bus for 45 mins - I didn't realize the marina was so far away from the Tenderloin.

3. FED UP FRED
THIS MUNI PARTY SUCKS! Fuckit, I'm out.

4. (not) dehydrated Denise
WHY IS THIS FUCKING BUS MOVING SO SLOW.  I HAVE TO PEE.

5. NOT AMUSED NIGEL
WHY DOESN'T THE ASSHOLE NEXT TO ME USE DEODORANT?  WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE A SMELLY ARMPIT IN MY FACE?  WAS IT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO REGISTER TO VOTE?  OR BECAUSE I FEIGNED EXCITEMENT WHEN MY SISTER WAS TELLING ME ABOUT HER NEW CURTAIN FABRIC?  WHAT. DID. I. DOOO?

6. ARMPIT ARNOLD
AHHHH.  IT SURE FEELS NICE TO STRETCH AFTER MY HIKE TO TACO BELL.  GEE, THAT GIRLS HEAD IS REALLY CLOSE TO MY PERSON.  IS IT BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE STANDING SO CLOSE TO ME SO SHE CAN TAKE IN MY MANLY STENCH OR IS IT BECAUSE SHE HAS NO CHOICE GIVEN THE OVERWHELMING NUMBER OF PEOPLE ABOARD THE BUS?  I THINK IT'S MY STENCH.  SHE LIKES IT, SHE LOVES IT, SHE WANTS SOME MORE OF IT.  MAYBE I SHOULD MAKE A MOVE.

MUNI TRENDZ FOR WINTER 2014
1. CORPORATE ELF IS BACK!  These kicks are HOT and practical.  I've been seeing a lot of them lately.

2. Showing your Britney seems to be all the rage on Muni these dayz:


Photos of your catz stitched onto your jacket.  LOVE.
SNAPPED AT 7 30 AM.  RISE AND SHINE.


the mushroom topeveryone is sporting this cut on Muni.  so hot right now!  



The above woman decided to wear her younger brother's Salisbury uniform onto the muni.  Either that or she raided Diane Keaton's closet.  love.
This woman's outfit reminded me of some lettuce bagels I spotted yesterday.  Yes - lettuce bagels.  What the fuck else would you call these?

Here's to a lot more new Muni material.  My Tinder posts are beginning to bore me.

Have a great tuezday!

xo, Nige