"D-d-did you want milk and sugar in your latte?" I stuttered into the phone as I surveyed the mind puzzle that is the Starbucks condiment table. I felt like a small child learning to use the toilet, or
"Alexandraaaah," my boss cooed. "Lattes already have milk and sugar in them. Are you serious?"
"Oh! Haha. I'm not a coffee drinker. Maybe I should become one now, I obviously need to wake up. Ha. Hahaha."
My boss, clearly unfamiliar
Incidentally, I was no stranger to goofing off in the office - for Halloween I dressed up like a horny devil. I turned my tail into a red rocket and proceeded to poke everyone from our HR lady to the building engineer with it until I was wildly reprimanded - which again, made me feel like a small child.
After my Walgreens stop
I was instructed to bring the cake into my VP's office where everyone would be gathered for a "meeting." I ambled in, carrying the cake which at this point was practically on fire. I began to sing happy birthday and everyone chimed in with me as VP smiled and began his attempt at furiously blowing out the
My coworkers and I grabbed the cake, ran into the kitchen, held it over the sink and collectively blew until the flame went out. At this point the fire alarm had gone off and people were practically convulsing in fear. I cowered in the corner of the kitchen, my proud Cheshire Cat smile had faded into a frown, drenched in defeat. 1 minute later we hear sirens blaring as firetrucks charged through the streets of the Financial District. I felt as though I was on the Truman Show, like I often do in life, and all the people around me were actually actors in on this big joke that I'd been excluded from.
I figured Ashton would pop out from behind a cubicle and embrace me as I cried tears of laughter into his arms. I then realized that as much as I want to be, I'm no celebrity.
I was just a girl whose seemingly harmless birthday prank had gone horribly awry. Luckily, my coworkers and boss had a sense of humor about the whole thing and we all laughed as the firefighters stormed through the office. "It---it's my fault," I stammered as I explained the situation to the perplexed firewoman. "I got these trick candles, and..." Long story shart, the firefighters were mildly frustrated but cordial. I fetched the
This is further proof that I DO NOT BELONG IN AN OFFICE. (read here for more proof if you don't believe me)
On notice today:
Slow walkers -
...and blind dates (I have one tonight). BLARF.