Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Prank you, Prank you Very Much

April Fool's Day is my favorite day of the year.  I love a good prank, as evidenced by the hundreds of tinder pranks I've featured on TPSF, some of which - incidentally- were recently featured on one of the breast blogs around, Witty+Pretty.  (Check out article here).  

If you read this blog, you get the picture: pulling off a good prank is basically my wet dream.

My friend Marc was my number 1 pranking accomplice at boarding school.  He singlehandedly executed one of the best pranks I have seen when he called up my mom (lady Di) and pretended to be the Dean (Jeff Edwards).  He told her I was facing expulsion after having been caught engaging in inappropriate conduct in the chapel with a fellow male student.  Then I called her fake crying (sidenote: this is my second best skill after being able to blow bubbles the size of Kim K's ass.)* and apologizing profusely for my reprehensible behavior.  Lady Di flipped. And I mean fliiiipped.  She was so livid she tried to strangle Marc when she saw him at our graduation from VES.  It's been almost 14 years (holy fucking shit) since said prank and I still can't dupe her.  Like this morning for example:

Marc and I also pranked our Chemistry teacher Mr. Kaufman on several occasions.  One time, I pretended to pass out from the fumes emitted from a science experiment (literally, I collapsed onto the floor and "came to" right before Mr. K had a stroke).  Another time, Marc pretended to get sulfur or some other chemical in his eyes and Kaufman shoved his face in the sink and squirted him in the eyes with an extremely powerful eye washer.

But enough about my troubled adolescence charmed days as a budding scholar.  To commemorate my favorite holiday, I'd like to share with you some pranks I've successfully executed today (and it's only 10am).  I will admit that one of these took place yesterday (April Fool's Eve) and to those of you dispute AFE being a holiday, I implore you.  It has just as much of a right to be celebrated as Christmas Eve does.  

(Names have been blurred to protect the duped.)

And, no matter what, I am always able to get my gullible sister Elizabreast.  (Prank tip: in order to pull off a good prank you must not make it too far-fetched.  As fucking crazy as it is - the information I duped my sister with is actually very, very plausible.) 

And that's all I got.  I haven't written in awhile because I've been busy blowing the aforementioned ginormous bubbles and dodging Foreskin activists:

These guys.  They get it.  


1 comment:

  1. As a bloodstained man who is still not able to claim disability status as a result of being born with a tremendously fabulous foreskin that needed to be surgically augmented into an even more wonderful form, I implore you to recognize that today is by all measures, the day after the day after April 1st, which is to aforeskinmentioned folks like myself, one of the best times to play pranks - noooone suspects it, noooone.