1. Basking in your own company is cathartic.
A couple months back I
2. Online Dating is Funny.
My laugh lines have become
3. Analyzing a text message from you crush might be more gratifying than catching a shrimp flung by a Benihana chef in your mouth.
It's beyond fun to sit around with
4. A single Person doesn't have to deal with an extra family.
Let's face it boys, it's quite unsettling/creepy when you meet your girlfriend's brother only to find that he looks identical to your gf. Also, sisters intimidate me. So do moms. Dads can be cool. I don't know. Basically, I never know how to act around adults over the age of 60 who aren't my parents. Am I allowed to use the F-word? Can I say "that's what she said" if they say something that warrants it? Wait, what side does the fork go on again? Up until about 2 months ago I thought the fiscal cliff (isn't that the type of shit older parents like to talk about) was some kind of energy bar. Jesus, it's all so confusing.
5. Walks of Shame are Kind of the Best.
When I was little I wanted to be a detective. Piecing together different parts of a story in an effort to solve a crime intrigued me and it still does. A single girl is forced into detective mode whenever she wakes up at a random guy's house. When did I last feel my missing earring on my ear? Where is my
Wake up at 3am (rocking a giant Jheri curl), feel like heating up a frozen waffle, dousing it in Nutella, whip cream, Dorito crumbs, raw cookie dough and shoving it in your face faster than R. Kelley orgasms at a urinal? Do it, sister (or brother)! No one's judging you. You could be in a sauna playing pick-up stix with your butt cheeks whilst blaring Kenny G. if you so desired, YOU'RE A SINGLE OLIVE FEMALE/MALE, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. Sorry for yelling.
Of course, there are many wonderful things about being married/in a relationship like joint checking accounts, terrifically
In closing, I would like to assert (and this applies to each one of us, single or attached) that the older I get the more I realize that my most important relationship is the one I have with
happy Tuesday, y'all.
PS. My new coworker sounds exactly like Topher Grace and OH MY FUCKING GOD he is talking right now and I am sitting at my desk in complete and utter disbelief. Will try and record.
PMS. I got this in my inbox this morning. F. What the.
PTSD. Still on notice: slow walkers: