1. Chill out, job interviews aren't that scary.
|ah, to be 22 again. things have really |
2. Accept the fact that you are not an inherently organized person.
You leave cabinets,
3. Keep most thoughts to yourself
You should not verbalize 70% of the absolutely absurd things that run through your head. You'll go see Widespread Panic with your friends
4. Don't touch that
You'll date a guy named Matt for a couple of months. One morning Matt will get up to take a shower and leave his phone unlocked. Directly after he exits the room he will receive a text from a girl named Jocelyn*. I'm warning you: do not, and I repeat, do not read it...Matt forgot his towel and will be coming back into his room in 45 seconds to retrieve it and oh my god, he's coming - put the phone down.
6. $1,000 may seem like a lot of money, but it's really not
You may be so psyched when you get your first paycheck that you'll want to blow it on a horrible Burberry jacket that looks like you put it on inside out. If you do this you won't be able to eat or pay your cable and electric bill and as a result you'll be hungry, bored and in the dark (Literally and figuratively) for nearly a month. Also, you're not Puff Daddy. Pawn the jacket.
Just because you had blonde hair when you were little doesn't mean you can pull off platinum blonde hair now. Stop it.
9. Give it up
If you have to ask yourself if he's into you then that means he's not into you and likely won't ever be, even if you get spray tanned or whiten your teeth or learn how the game of football works. Fuck that guy. And by fuck that guy I mean do not fuck that guy.
10. Stop making up your own rules
Your landlord means it when he says rent is due by the 5th of each month; that's not a light suggestion and it's certainly not open to interpretation. Just because you already paid last month doesn't mean you don't have to pay this month.
12. Be weary of social media
You'll feel like an adult when you first join LinkedIn. Everyone will neglect to inform you of the fact that people can see if you've looked at their profile, so refrain from stalking every single boy you've made out with and their current/ex-girlfriends. They will all know. They really, really will.
Handjobs are sooooo two thousand and what the fuck are you thinking. Don't give one, I don't care how drunk you are or what your perpetually single friend Stacey says. They are the bastard stepchild of sexual acts. Plus guys can do it better themselves.
14. Quality over quantity
You'll have 2 sets of friends: party friends who know only the drunk you who talks like Ace Ventura, and real-life friends who will come over in the middle of the night on a tuesday and bring you Nacho Cheesier Doritos when you're feeling sad because they know they're your favorite.
And that's all I have.
I am happy to share that I've signed on to write for the Bold Italic, which has been a goal of mine ever since I moved to San Francisco 7 years ago. I can't wait to reach a wider audience and to write about the city I love.
A friend of mine told me a few years ago when I was feeling a little bit lost to "no matter what, never stop writing". This week, more than ever, I realize how glad I am I took that advice. :)
*Oh, and FYI - chill out, 22-year-old Alexandra. Jocelyn is Matt's sister.