Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Life: it's like a party

Life: it's like a party.

You'll arrive with a clean slate.  You'll make a grand entrance and you'll be sober, unscathed.  You'll be blissfully unaware of what you're in for; not realizing that some parts of the party will be filled with laughter. Not knowing that on occasion, it could also be filled with tears; but that's okay - that's your party.

You could fall down.  In fact, you probably will...a few times.  But you'll get back up and be better. Your friends will be there to make sure that you do.

You could lose a couple things at the party...your friends will be there for you again; they'll help you find whatever it is you've lost.

Your hosts (parents) will want you to love your party.  They want you to have the best time possible. They want to see you smile; they'll want to see you happy.  They'll play your favorite songs and want you to dance to them.  They'll hope you party responsibly even though they know it can be hard at times.  Mistakes are going to be made.  That's life...that's your party.

You'll want a few people in particular to stay at the party until it ends; even though they're making a mess.  You'll think they're a good addition to the party, regardless of the mess they've made.  You'll think you need them there in order for you to be happy at your party.  You'll think that without them, your party will be incomplete.

They'll leave early.
They won't want to stay at your party.

You won't realize it in that moment, but those are the people you should hold the door for.  Those are the people you wish hadn't been invited in the first place; but in a way you're glad they were, because without them you wouldn't know how truly great your party could be.

There will be people at the party you'll compare yourself to; people there who you think have it all: the right shoes, the right clothes, the right hair, the right life.  You'll wonder how you look to them. You'll wonder if you're saying the right things at your party and if you're making the right impression. You'll want them all to like the way you are.  You'll worry that they don't.

You'll come to a point where you'll say fuckit.  You'll realize all that worrying about all those little, insignificant things was unnecessary.  You'll realize how little these things matter, and how much being human does.

As the party goes on you'll become comfortable dancing in the corner by yourself; you won't care if people watch you, don't like you or judge you.  You'll realize that your party is too short for that.

You'll realize that when the party ends, all you want for people to remember is that you were good and sweet.

That's life; that's your party.

In loving memory of Bunnie Quinn, a lady who was remarkably good and sweet.

Rest in Peace

Tuesday, May 17, 2016


Well, well, well.

It has been a minute.  Truth is, I've been watching Dateline and sifting through my split ends getting sick of writing about the same old shit, and figured it would be better for me to take a break instead of continuing to exhaust topics.  I'm not a list-maker by any means. In fact, I'm a highly disorganized person and the only time I claim to be a list-maker is when I'm trying to get a job and am bullshitting an interviewer.  But what-the-fuck-ever, I'm gonna do it today.

Here are 7 hot(ish) TOEPICKS (topics) in my world

1.  I attended my first baby shower.  It was exciting, but also made me feel behind in life as most of my friends are having babies and I'm having Chinese food.  I anticipated a mean game of Pin the Tail on the Placenta to go down but alas, it did not.

2.  I recently gave up on life and joined hell Bumble.  And I didn't join it to fuck with people like I did with Tinder, I'm actually attempting to take it seriously because my eggs don't have much time left.  But man, it's hard.  In case you don't know how Bumble works: it's up to the chick to initiate conversation with the guy once a match occurs.  This makes me feel like Hillary Clinton, or Martha Stewart or Margaret Thatcher or one of those really strong, independent women who carry a brief case or whatever. Initially I found myself knee deep in raw cookie dough painful exchanges with various gel-heads..lots of back and forth about random shit like weather, the Dow Jone, Joey Buttafouco and pets.  I vowed awhile ago not to fall into a texting relationship prior to in-person meetings, as this can lead to preconceived notions/fantasies about a person who is likely very different from the idea you've conjured up in your mind.  Been there, done that, never doing it again. So I'm quick to try and put a stop to mindless messaging. Sorry, Eric.

3.  I discovered Snapchat.  My snapchat is basically Toe Pick, but in video form.  So if you like reading Toe Pick and want to feel better about your life and/or wet your pants you can add me ... @owlbunting.
Call me! 
4. I started a part-time temp job, which I actually love.  It sharts at 11 30am which is cool and everyone is nice, even though they think my name is Andrea.  I am in charge of admin stuff/ maintaining the office, which includes refilling the tampon baskets in the ladies room.  My mom and dad were so proud when I told them that I am the reason why all the ladies (aka my SUPERIODS) in our office haven't had any embarrassing mishaps IfYouKnowWhatIMean.  Listen, and listen good: I am the backbone of the office.  Period.

5.  I got ghosted.  I know "ghosting" is trendy these days, so I felt kinda cool when it happened to me.  Dude asked me out, we had fun, he asked me out again, we had more fun, then he asked me out again, I told him I had plans (which I did) and then...nothing and GOOD GOD THIS STORY IS BORING.  Not sure if it was because I brought him around my wild friends or if I talked about OJ Simpson too much...whatever.  And, if you're reading this, Ghostboy, your story about how you got into motorcycles was really fucking boring and long.

6. Prince died.  My OJ Simpson obsession has been demolished as a result of this.  I wish I'd paid closer attention to Prince when he was alive, because after having watched every docu on him and listening to all his music I'm totally captivated AND OH MY GOD I NEED TO GET A HOBBY.

7.  I tried to contour my face and failed miserably.  Shit.

Alright, I gotta run.. the super-plusses need to be restocked.

Hope life is treating you well, little worms.


Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Why I am Choosing the Unknown

My boss and I were different.  Very different.  Every time I opened the window in the office he'd get up and close it.  Even when the sun was shining and a subtle, soothing breeze was blowing, offering some semblance of reprieve from the sterile, stuffy office he'd close it.  The window debacle was a metaphor for how we felt about work.  He didn't want or need any relief from the office.  He didn't feel suffocated.  I did.  He loved work.  I thought it was a waste of life.  He loved the office. I found it to be like a cesspool of strained conversation, and suppressed emotions. Truth is, I was envious of him.  Truly loving what you do is one of life's biggest triumphs whereas disliking what you do is one of life's biggest tragedies.  

Day after day I'd come into the office, feeling very much like I was in the Truman Show, each day containing only slight variations from the day before.  Tick tock, went the clock.  I felt like a chained up dog - you know, the ones who are literally chained up for years?  I didn't feel comfortable in my clothes...like I was playing dress up or something.  I felt like I couldn't be myself, and when I tried to be I felt like I was doing something wrong.  

I started realizing that I was wasting time I couldn't get back.  The notion that life is short became abundantly clear with each fleeting moment.  Having to leave a job is scary.  Choosing to leave one is perhaps scarier.  But I realized overtime that spending 8 hours of my day consciously knowing that I wasn't where I wanted to be was taking more of a toll on me than the repercussions of leaving would.  

So when I left my job yesterday, after 4 years, I felt scared of course, but also relieved.  I woke up this morning excited to face the realm of possibilities before me.  I felt in control... in control of my life, of my destiny and my happiness.  I thought about that window I mentioned earlier.  I thought about how I will never have to see it close again.  And that offered me more comfort than any job ever could.